Monday, 1 February 2016

Story: Purposeful Relationships

I came across the phrase 'purposeful relationships' recently on this quest that I am on to better myself. And there were other types of relationships but to be honest I would have to go back and listen to the podcast to recap on what they were and there meanings.
Once I discovered this term and it's meaning, I began to relate it to a recent relationship that I had with someone that has just possibly ended.

Purposeful relationships are those relationships that teach you something. When I say relationship, I'm not talking romance but any type of relationship. It could be to encourage you to be a better you, teach you to love madly or help you gain strength to get through a rough patch.

When I was listening to the podcast, everything hit the nail on the head. In my head I was like, well damn, thank you!

About almost four years ago now, this person entered into my life, I still can't figure how it happened exactly but I found myself talking to this person almost everyday.
When I didn't message, I was asked, how come you didn't message me and vice se versa. The relationship that we had was a long distance one but distance seemed to not have mattered at the time.
We spent countless hours talking on Skype, and even ended up falling asleep on each other.
We were the bestest of friends. We shared thoughts, feelings, dreams and fears.
Our connection grew so strong that it turned into love. And we loved. Words couldn't describe how it felt to have someone understand you and vice se versa. We became each others' rocks.

Until… the purpose ran out.

It then turned ugly about 2years ago, arguments over petty things and constant fallings out. Days, weeks even months without talking to each other. We lost how to even hold a decent conversation.
And never have I felt such hurt, such lost and so heartbroken. Everything was lopsided. I felt like I was the only one trying but when I would say anything I was being accused of starting arguments or being negative and I knew I was not a negative person. So having someone constantly telling you that you are something that you know you are not and having to bite your tongue about it, only built up more frustration in me which led to outbursts and everything was just a mess.

Then we met up, and everything felt good again, just like in the beginning. Time literally felt like it stopped and we were alone in our own world. Just to have moments like that again, I would give up everything.
But it only lasted a short time.

We went back to arguments and there was this time when I wish I hated that person if that would have made it easier to deal with. And I thought maybe it is just me, so I tried to approach things from different angles; yet we couldn't seem to bounce back to how we were.
We blamed each other and I kept saying "you don't need me anymore cause you've gotten to where you want to be now" or something along those lines. Little did I know how close to the truth those words were.
I was just saying them out of hurt and only partially believing that they could actually be true.
I was so broken, because I thought I could finally be myself with someone and it felt so right at the time.
I felt like I could literally conquer the world.

But the purpose ran out.

We tried to be friends. That didn't work. I wanted so badly to just have this person in my life. It didn't matter if we were just friends, I just didn't want to let them go because part of me still believe we were more than that.

Recently, I made my mind up after I was told "it is best we go our separate ways". I became accustomed to hearing that so much that I always overlooked it and fell right back into everything. Not this time. This time I made up my mind and said to myself, I have tried to hold on and a relationship needs two willing parties to work, but the other party has let go, so why can't you do the same?
Those words kept echoing in my head, and I kept asking myself, why can't I just let it go just like the other person has.

It was because I wasn't looking at the purpose it fulfilled in my life, I wasn't looking at the good it did for me.
That relationship taught me how to love madly, trust with my heart but most importantly it taught me to believe in myself and stay strong.
I broke down so many barriers in the attempts of making that relationship work on any level but for some reason it just wouldn't work. It was the only thing I wanted so desperately to go right, but it all went wrong.

The purpose was only highlighted to me when I realised I was doing exactly what that person was doing to me to someone else. And when I listened that podcast, it struck home! It was a DING! moment for me. And I had to check myself and say no, that isn't me.
I don't know if we will ever be anything again. I'll leave that to fate.

So, if you are going through a rough relationship and can't seem to figure out why at this moment in time, just keep going. Go with the flow, don't try to force it to end, in time it will go and in time you will know exactly what purpose that relationship served in your life.

Note: I hope you enjoyed this post. Thank you all for reading and I love you all. Tanny x

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