Sunday, 15 January 2017

Tell Me Yours

Tell me yours
No, tell me yours
Let's load each others' guns
Secret stuffed bullet chambers
Cocked and aimed 
At our naked truths
Who pulls first
Or do we get buried with the shells
Barrels against each others' temples
Just as we whisper the bullets into each others' ears
Tell me yours
No, tell me yours
Arm me with the bullet that will kiss your forehead 
And another that will slice through your torso
Trust me with your life
Let me carry the weight on my limp shoulders
Let me walk around hunched over 
Afraid to straighten up
For fearing the words will slide right off 
Dangle the temptation that will cause me to open my month
Present with something my sweet tooth cannot resist
Corner me with no ultimatum 
Now tell me yours
I told you mine
So the click is a sound that awaits my eardrums
Or rather the last sound to penetrate yours
But I learnt how to dodge bullets
Because to me they never existed



Note: I know, I know. It's been a minute since I posted a poem. Well, here is the first one for 2017. Make of it what you will. Also, be on the lookout for more. Much Love Tanny xx

Sunday, 1 January 2017

No U-Turns Please… 2017!!!!!!!

Before most blog posts, I usually have an idea about what I want to write about. Then I will start writing and allow the words to take their course, concluding with an overall message.
But, right now I feel like I have so much to say that I don't even know where to begin.

So, 2016…
I am calling it the year of death… Death was highlighted across the year, it was so prevalent, it was almost unreal. I mean people die every year unfortunately, but I felt like so much more people died this year. So many disasters, bombings, shootings, you name it (no pun intended). And so many famous people died as well.

2016 is also the year that anything and everything happened. If you didn't have a moment where you literally said these words to yourself "OMG! What next?", then I will actually find it hard to believe you.
It seemed to be the year where the unimaginable and impossible sneaked up and slapped us in our faces, like, 'Yeah, I just did become reality and it turns out I was possible', you know what I mean?
It was a crazy year and I'm pretty sure most, if not everyone can attest to that in some way, shape or form.

But for me…

My oh my…

2016 was an emotional rollercoaster. I don't think I have ever cried so much, been to the hospital so much or felt so suicidal in my life. I felt like I was going to break. I think my lowest was when, I found myself walking in the road towards on coming traffic. I think an inner voice told me to get out the road because I was not listening to my mind.
It was that deep.

BUT!

I have learnt a lot in 2016, so much about myself and I still have so much more to learn.
I stepped away from a lot of people to be honest, not because they did anything wrong but because I have been trying to figure myself out. I kept all my problems to myself and fought battles no one even knew existed in my life. Sometimes that is the best way to be.
I may have hurt a few people along the way but that was never my intention. Tension has been running high and my patience was dangerously low.

The one thing that I desperately wanted to change in 2016 was where I work, I wanted to be in a different job but that blessing has not found me as yet. So I will continue being a robot until I have a chance to be working in a environment that allows me to utilise my creativity.

It was not an all bad year, the highlight for me was definitely everything surrounding the Gallery 37 Poetry Camp that I did. I met some incredibly talented people and felt like I belonged in a place that emits so much creative and productive energy. So, I am thankful that I got to be a part of that.
I also did a lot of painting and writing last year. Again, being able to keep that creative side of me alive has been the one thing that has kept me somewhat afloat.

Now you… yes you… 2017…
I am a little afraid to say I am ready but I feel somewhat prepared.
I feel positive, I have started started the year off in good vibes and I hope to carry this throughout 2017 and years to come.

Note: I wish you all a prosperous 2017, please continue to believe in yourselves and strive to be the best versions of you. Love you all and thank you, for all of your continued support. Tanny x

Saturday, 17 December 2016

Checking In, Videos, Painting, Writing Etc

Hey guys…

Hope you are all well and looking forward to the holidays…

I'm not in much of a festive spirit, but I wanted to come on here to check in with you all.

I can't tell you all how much I appreciate you all for reading my blog, even when I haven't posted in weeks, I still see you all visiting my blog and that warms my heart.

I planned to focus more on my blog throughout 2016 and the year started great but now towards the end of the year my artwork has been in the spotlight as well as my writing but I just haven't posted it.

My thoughts and emotions have been all over the place, so I took time out from making posts on here to going back to the old fashioned way and writing in a free writer. And I have been loving it. I will share some with you in the future, hopefully.

In fact, here is a video that I did…


The poem is called 'Roses are Beautiful'

Okay, so a bit of background story about the poem…

One day I was feeling creative and I wanted to doodle. So, I started to scribble some circles on a piece of paper and I realised after I finished doing like a 5 second scribble, that the circles looked like the petals of a rose. I then turned it into a rose, you know drawing the stem , thorns and a few leaves. Once, I did that, words started to formulate in my head until I ended up with a poem.
I mean you all might read this and half believe me, but seriously, this is literally how this poem came about.
The idea of the video evolved because I was thinking about combining both poetry and art and a few people suggested various ways I could do this. So, I attempted to paint whilst recording myself and whilst listening to the words of my poem to see where that would lead me. And, well, wallaaaa. There you have it.

Here is picture I painted in the video… You can interpret it along with the poem in whichever way you want to. You can take from this piece what you will…






































I hope to do more like this in the future like I said and I will hopefully post them.

In other news, I am thinking about doing a shake up on my blog in the coming year, so be on the look out for that as well.

If you want to view more of my artwork, you can follow my Instagram page @artbytannytizzle.

Other social medias:
Twitter: @TannyTizzle
FB: TannyTizzle (Perfectly Different)
Youtube: TannyTizzle

Note: I love you all so much and remember to stay doing you for you. I appreciate you all reading my blog and I hope you share it if you find something that you like or is useful. Much Love Tanny xx

Tuesday, 1 November 2016

UPDATE: Youtube Vids

Hey guys,

I have uploaded a few videos of my poems on YouTube, so you can check them out and subscribe to my channel if you want to hear more.

I will aim to post more in the future, as well as post on here.
I have been writing a lot lately, as I said in my previous post and hope to share them will you all at some point.

Keep checking my blog and YouTube for more from me.





Note: I appreciate all the love that you all show my blog and thanks for reading as always. Love you all. Tanny x

Monday, 24 October 2016

Behind The Scenes

Hello all
Hope you are all well…

I'm just going to get straight to the point…

You would thing it is easy to find things to post about in today's day and age because there is always something going on in the media or world that I can talk about. Well, if you are thinking that, then you are right.
There's a lot of things I could come on here and blog about and sometimes I do start typing them but then stop half way through.
See guys, I'm trying to work on organising my creative time better. I tend to hop, jump and skip from one to the other and I know that is not great in terms of quality. But I am only human and is learning, as I am sure you are too.
So please bare with me.

Although…

I have been busy with my art side of things, been doing a lot of painting and a few drawings here and there. I have also been doing a lot of doodles, you know, to keep the creative side of my brain active and sharp.

You can check me out on Instagram… @artbytannytizzle
Also if you follow my TannyTizzle Facebook page, I post over there as well.

I don't want to post things just for the sake of it. But I am getting better.

I have been writing poetry a lot but haven't been posting them. I will post some soon though, so be on the look out for those.

What else did I want to say…

Oh, I might start something new, well it's not new but restart something that I use to do before and link it to this blog so look out for that too.

Finally, I would like a mentor, and I am looking into it. Advice welcomed...


Note: Here is a BIG HUG to all of those reading this right now. Love you all. :) Tanny x.

Tuesday, 11 October 2016

#NationalComingOutDay

Well, well guys, I didn't even know this was a thing but since as it is I couldn't let this day slide by without doing a blog post.
To be honest, I don't even know how I feel about this being a thing, but hey, it's just another hashtag.
So in honour of this day, without further ado…

Here is my story…

I just like what I like, end of story.

I haven't got a dramatic story and I don't really know if I am out there per say but I have always preached that love is love and that I like what I like.

My theory is, if you can set my soul or not even my soul but part of me on fire enough for me to be intrigued, then you are worth pursing. That be whether you are male, female, black, white etc etc. 
We live in a world filled with rules and regulations but why place a rule on matters of the heart?
Why restrict yourself and limit the beauty that love can bring to your life?
And I am not bashing anyone that is a non-believer in love is love. 
There are some people who fall in love with someone of the same sex but choose to suppress it and be "normal".
But why put yourself through trying to not think about someone who is perfect for you, just to please other people. 
Ofcourse we all have to pick our battles and with that being said I do respect others' decisions.

Anyways, back to coming out. 
To be honest, I don't think that coming out should be as big of a deal as people make it. It should be one of those things where, people are seen with whoever they are with and it is just the same as when "straight" folks date.
It's not like everyone else comes out as straight do they?

Well, Happy National Coming Out Day guys.

Note: Tanny xx

Wednesday, 28 September 2016

Made You Think 101: Optimistic

Hi.
Hello All, I hope you are all doing well?
It's really hard to write when life is trying to remove the paper. (I hope you make sense of that metaphor.)
But, I'm excited…
Not the generic reasons for excitement but I am being optimistic. You want to know why?
Well, I guess if you have read this far, then you are probably rushing me to get to the point.

So…

Without further ado…

I am excited because…

I am going through pain.

I told you I am being optimistic as well though, didn't I?

But…

They say God doesn't give you more than you can bear.
They say you have to go through the storm before the calm.
They say every disappointment for a reason.
And all the rest of it.
Well, I have been hit with a string of disappointments, so I eagerly await the ton of reasons.

So many break downs
So many buckets of tears
So many thoughts to give up

So many of too many manys, blah blah. I'm sure you get the point.

Pain is not forever. We all know that but it's not all of us that believe it.
And I'm guilty of that as anyone. When one thing is over, it's like another disappointment decides its it's turn to knock you down again. It becomes almost repetitive, until you think you know the outcome so you stop trying altogether.

But I'm excited, excited because I know my time is coming. Excited because pain is not forever and excited because I have faith.

So I'll pray.
And I'll wait.

Note: Love you all. Tanny x



Saturday, 17 September 2016

Tomorrow I Will

Tomorrow I will 
Tomorrow I will discover the world as I've imagined it 
I will see races unite 
Rainbow lit skies 
Bond and ties 
Of all kind 
Tomorrow I will 
I will learn that to love is to lust 
To lose is to trust 
Tomorrow I will just 
….simply sip from a cup 
Life is too short 
To analyse every angle and thought 
To be stuck in the past 
Cause 
Tomorrow you don't know which breath will be your last 
Tomorrow I will 
I will just live 
Listen to every inhale and exhale of my chest 
Be careful with my no’s and yes 
Tomorrow I will 
Speak out against things I don’t agree with
Stand up for I believe in
And question everything 
Tomorrow I will
I will… just exist
Turn minutes into tokens 
And keep pouring them into loved ones
Cause tomorrow is not certain
And it may be our last 

Our last tomorrow

Note: Hope all my readers are doing great. Thank you all for reading my blog. It would be great if you all left some feedback, if possible. It can be anonymous if you like. It would just be awesome to hear what some of you all think about my work. But either way, love you all. Much love, Tanny xx

Friday, 5 August 2016

Made You Think 101: Light Bulb Moment

Gosh, it's August already.
The phrase "Time waits on no man" is really starting to stand out in my everyday routines.
I just keep noticing how the days go by so fast and we are over half way through the year already.
I have heard some people discussing Christmas, yes Christmassss! 
They say the older you get the more you notice just how quickly time is travelling.

But then again, I have had thoughts were I've imagined life without time. No clocks, nothing, just life. 
How chaotic would that be since as we are used to building our lives around time, but what if time doesn't even exist in the first place?
For instance…
They say you can tell that some people existed in a different life before being present on Earth, because of how they act. So when they are among us, born as babies, we automatically place a date and time on their lives. But who is to tell that the spirit within that new child isn't hundreds or even thousands of years old?
I mean, I think I'm going off on a tangent here, but it is things like this that gets my thoughts aroused and lead them to wander off into some strange things.

Anyways… That aside.

This week has been a rather eye opening one for me. You know when you have a "light bulb" moment, well I've have plenty of moments similar to those this week.

The first one was when I contributing into helping an elderly man get help from the police. He wanted to get back home but wasn't a 100% sure of his address, in fact he only knew it was off a particular road. He had no ID on him or anything. It was kind of chilly, so loaned him my jacket until we could get him help.
I tried to get a chair for him to sit down on but couldn't. We were standing in town and he could barely walk. He had to be propped up with shoulder. 
In the end, I had to walk to the police station to seek out help.
Nowadays, people walk pass others or film them when they are in need of help but I found myself spring into action. And I'm normally shy in personality but all that left me when I was trying to get this elderly man help.
You just have to look on situations like these and imagine that if that was your Grandma or Grandad, wouldn't you want someone to help out too?

I guess it wasn't really a light bulb moment but something of the sort. It was just a moment where I realised how big of a heart I have and how much compassion I have towards others in need. Even though I've always known that, but I shocked myself at how quickly I just sprung into action. 

My other moment. I will talk about in another post.

Note: Remember to be considerate. Do to others as you would like done to you. Much love, Tanny xx

Monday, 1 August 2016

A Whole Lot

Boy have I been going through it over the past month or so…
Feels as though I am under attack in every possible direction of life.
It's hard to even begin to write when you don't even know what to write about, not wanting to let your vulnerability scream out but at the same time seeking comfort in being able to offload everything onto someone. Yeah, that is also hard when you feel as though there is no-one to offload on.

Where to start…
You, I wanted nothing more than to care for you and to be that rock that I felt you needed.
I wanted to share your passion but there was just something that wasn't quite right.
The bond was like an unfinished piece of artwork. You know when something doesn't feel right but you are not quite sure what it is. Then you start to get frustrated because all you want is for it to feel right, but at the same time you are scared to change anything because it looks pretty decent.
Yeah, that was it.
We needed to change something on our canvas.
Have more faith in the brush strokes, trust, yes trust, that it may not look like anything now but it would be beautiful in the end.
But it's just an unfinished piece now…
I had pieces of my own, I painted for us, each day I grew closer to revealing it to you.
Just another brush stroke, I told myself.
I added and took away strokes, left areas blank in hopes that maybe you'd fill them in… somehow
Ah well… who knows…
Life is about timing right and masterpieces require patience.

I have this thing where I honestly don't like to have bad vibes with anyone. I will try to make amends even if we part, I'd rather we part on a peaceful note than… bitterness. It will literally eat at me until I make some amends.
I mean, what is that? Is that being a good person or just an obsession of some kind? Who knows..

I'm becoming more and more unsocial. I don't feel the need to burden people with whatever this is I have going on. I run through scenarios in my head, me at a club or just a gathering and the more I do that, the more I withdraw.
I just don't want to hear any of the cliches because I am way past that. .. or maybe they hurt a little cause I already know. I just don't have a clue how...

You know what I'd like?
I'd like to just sit and talk and talk, and maybe laugh, with a whole lot of crying.
I'd like this without being judged, without opinions, without advice. All I'd want is for you to listen and when I'm through, only then I'd like you to offer your insight. Not your judgment. Just words of encouragement wrapped in a whole lot of wisdom.
And maybe a good ole bear hug.

But what is life, if you have to tell yourself to step back up onto that pavement?
The car was inching closer and closer.
Is this it? I mean will this change anything? What are the chances? Are you really out of options?
Closer…
Stop being silly… just step up… life isn't over yet.
Then comes the waterworks…

We all have choices right?
Gosh, this stupid concept keeps slapping me left, right and centre.*sense my frustration*
Choices… wanting what wants you but going with something totally different because the path is easier, clearer.
What is life?
What is life without love, happiness and passion?
We wish these things upon ourselves but always run away from the consequences it takes to have them wholeheartedly in their purest forms.
Why is the easiest route so appealing?
And why do we choose it but expect the same outcome and same feeling of accomplishment?
Things that come easy are of less value, less meaning and goes as easy as they come.
Notice that even when we have choices, the ultimate decision is rarely made wholeheartedly by you.
Remember to be selfish sometimes with these choices.
After all, it's your life and you facing the consequences, both good and bad.

Feelings… don't you wish you could turn then off sometimes?

Note: My lovely people. Thank you all for visiting my blog. I rant, I express and I moan but whatever I do, it's coming from deep within. Hope you are all well. Much love Tanny x